Thursday, September 13, 2007

What He Doesn't Know (Jeanine)

What I wish Johnathan (that's my husband) would realize is that I did not put on weight intentionally, or to punish him, or for any reason that I know of--except having our girls. After my second pregnancy I was too tired to care about what I ate, and even though I'm not tired anymore, I still don't care. (Why should I, when Johnathan cares enough for both of us? Ha!)

He acts like my getting fat was a personal attack on him. Does he think I like walking around with all this extra weight? Okay, I like to eat, and he knew that before he married me. I was never a "skinny-minnie," you know? But when he gives me those "looks" at the dinner table, it always makes me want to add MORE food to my plate! (Sometimes I do, and then he looks even more agonized, and that makes me laugh. For some reason, there is nothing funnier than Johnathan looking terribly agonized because of my second-helpings. Just thinking about his expression at those times can make me laugh out loud.)

I love the man dearly. Just, somebody please, tell him he won't help me lose weight by walking around the house with all that disapproval on his face!

Why doesn't he just pray for me? Why doesn't he tell me he's praying for me?

Why doesn't he love me, the way I am--which just might help me become who he wants me to be? I really do want to change, but his attitude makes my resolve fizzle away. I have enough on my hands raising two, healthy, happy girls. An unhappy husband is a burden I don't need.

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